Below is the extract from Ka Noor punya note in facebook, which I really like and wish to share with you lot.
"Kita hidup dalam dunia yang penuh dengan benda yang TIDAK PATUT. Jadi berpada-padalah pada melayan SEPATUTNYA yang banyak hinggap ke diri. "
- Ustaz Hasrizal Abd Jamil
The English translation of this would be along the lines of…
" We live in a world that is filled with 'impossibilties' and 'not meant to be's (e.g. war, incest, pigs flying over the moon, etc). So be moderate when it comes to our list of 'meant to be's or 'suppose to be's (e.g. all women should know how to cook, all men should know how to mow the lawn, men should always solat fardhu berjemaah at the masjid, etc)"
Does that make more sense? Deep, huh? I got this from an article written by Ustaz Hasrizal (Abu Saif) found in the latest edition of Anis magazine. It's a pretty good magazine, I must say.
Now, for the sake of those who still can't figure out what Uztaz meant, or would like further elaboration, I'll summarise the main points of the article here. Hokey pokes?
So. Somebody came up to Abu Saif to seek advice on marriage, since he was about to get married soon (iski kamu sudah? Mun sal kawin2 ani jarang kan org inda iski :p). He wanted something that was short, compact, and not from his books Aku Terima Nikahnya or Bercinta Sampai Ke Syurga (GOOD BOOKS, I must say!). Abu Saif replied, "Kurangkan SEPATUTNYA dalam hidup!". So in other words, do not expect too much from the wife (and vice versa..and everybody else too for that matter!). When there are too many expectations, they often turn into disappointments.
A marriage (and any form of relationships) usually begins with a lot of plans and hopes. For instance, a wife often expects the husband to be imam mithali, i.e. mengimamkan solat jemaah, mengajar anak2 untuk membaca Quran, sharing tazkirah selalu, etc. Husbands on the other hand also often hope for a wife to be the ideal menantu who is loved by his parents, who always cooks, cleans and takes care of the kids. The problem is, our reality sometimes doesn't conform to what we had hoped for. Sometimes a husband doesn't understand the significance of solat jemaah so he doesn't bother to solat berjemaah with his family. Sometimes five years into the marriage, the wife masih belum boleh mesra with the in-laws...and I'm sure you can think up of more examples :D
So this man who came up to Abu Saif said that expectations should allow for individuals to muhasabah diri. Abu Saif agreed, however, from time to time, it is necessary to review these expectations to see if there are any that should be discarded.
As a conclusion (from the article as well as my personal thoughts), berpada-padalah dengan apa yang kitani harapkan from another person. We can't always expect a person to change 360 after talking to them once. We can't always expect somebody who pray's 5 times a day without failure to understand the meaning of ikhlas. We can't always expect somebody to know how to jaga hati kitani. Kitani sebagai hamba Allah inda layak untuk terminta2 and put standards on people. We should focus more on roles and functions and be thankful for the little things (e.g. a husband plays his role as the main breadwinner, wife manages the home, friends be there for you when they need somebody to talk to, etc).
So Abu Saif's solution to this issue was
"Berikan ilmu kepada akal supaya tahu. Suntikkan iman ke hati supaya mahu. Berjihadlah menundukkan nafsu supaya mampu. Insya Allah!"
It rhymes, doesn't it? :D
There was something that Abu Saif said that got me "uh huh!"
"Kalau perempuan daripada zaman batu sampai zaman hutan batu mampu bergadai nyawa beranak, beranak dan beranak, mengapa lelaki hari ini sudah tidak mengangkat pedang di medan jihad tidak mampu untuk BERJIHAD menjaga rumah tangga? Manja sangatkah perawan akhir zaman sekarang?"
Source: Di Dalam Dunia Yang Tidak Patut Ini, Ustaz Hasrizal @ Abu Saif, Anis (January, 2010), pg. 11-13.
Adakalanya ana sendiri pun expect too much from another person. Iatah masa membaca this article, I feeeeel it... But rather ironic nya, I can't bear with all the expectations people want to get out of me.. I have read "Bercinta Sampai Ke Syurga".. very good book which pin points the factors that says whether we are ready or not to ikat tali pernikahan. =)
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